So apparently I kick ass at maintaining my weight. Through a cruise, some major stress, and not really paying too much attention to the scale, I've been pretty much exactly the same weight for a couple of months!
Unfortunately, I'm still in the 190's and would like to keep losing. Ahem. That will apparently involve doing something which, you see, I haven't been. That something being regular exercise and carefully watching my food intake. Or at least one or the other. Yeah.
My sneakers have not touched my feet in a week and a half. I suck at exercise right now.
(Small victory - I learned this week that I can do push ups. REAL ones. Just a few and my form isn't perfect but I can do them for the first time in my life.)
I have not been focusing on my eating. I haven't been eating great. I may be the tiniest smidge too tight. Food in the morning is not an option. I've been having Slim Fast every day for breakfast. It tastes great. And today I realized that Slim Fast is essentially chocolate milk with a multivitamin in it. Lots of sugar. For someone who is supposed to be all about nutrition, this is not good. It's not real food. I'm probably better off with a glass of milk and then a couple of hours later, some real food.
I have developed a slight addiction to Panera Bread's broccoli soup. It's easy to eat. And at 200 calories and 8 grams of protein, it's not awful. But it is a slider. And I should know better.
Pizza, pasta, and salads are super easy to eat. WTF? Don't banded people usually have trouble with those things? I can EASILY eat a whole Subway tuna salad (tuna, lettuce, onions, pickles, black pepper, oregano, and LOADS of vinegar - no oil).
But one bite of meat and bread at the same time makes me feel like I've been punched in the chest for hours. Sandwiches are an absolute no go. But pizza? No problem.
I freaked my husband out the other night when we were a Puerto Rican restaurant and I got badly stuck on a little bit of chicken and a bite of mofongo, which is essentially just smashed up green plantain with lots of garlic. He was very concerned, and I had to show him posts by other bloggers about just how "normal" getting stuck is for us. So when I am out to eat, I usually choose the easy thing to eat. I don't eat a lot of it, but my easy things are not solid protein and veggies. I can eat those things, they just take more focus and care. And a nice sauce to use as food lube.
I made a lovely pork roast last weekend that was fine.
It was very tender and I ate it slowly and carefully with well caramelized onions for lots of moisture. It was fine. It just took focus and care and time and a nice relaxed setting.
I tried to eat the leftovers for lunch a couple of days later and got stuck on the same exact thing. Reheated pork is now on my "never ever" list.
Am I worried about all this? Mostly I'm just thinking out loud. But I am a little worried. What if I never lose any more weight? I suppose I'm in control of that. I surely don't need a fill. What I do need is more focus. I need to eat the things I am supposed to, carefully. I need to find some motivation, and I know I can only find that within myself.
No one ever said this would be easy.