Saturday, May 28, 2011

My Mom

I've started about 6 blog posts this week and have deleted every single one. I wasn't sure how to say this, but here goes...

My mom has bladder cancer.

It's early and extremely treatable - thank god - and as far as cancer goes, this is a good one to have. But still...that's goddamn scary.

I didn't want to say it in an, "Oh! The sky is falling! My whole world is shattered!" kind of way. And I didn't want to say, "Eh, no big deal. The news hasn't affected me at all." It's somewhere in between. And usually I'm pretty ok with words, but I don't have the right ones for this situation.

My mom and I have an amazing relationship. It wasn't always that way. We didn't exactly get along when I was younger. We didn't like each other very much for about a decade. But now...we're friends. Not just mother and daughter. We like to hang out together and that's awesome.

So...I don't know what else to say so I'll end it here.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Still Sore & Soul Weight

For everyone who asked - I am sore as hell today. Every time I try to stand up or sit down, I make a sound like a cross between a dying cow and an old southern preacher. "Oh good lord, help me owwwwww...uuurggh." Yeah. Real attractive. My co-workers have been having a lot of laughs at my expense.

The sick thing is...I can't wait to go back to Body Pump on Sunday for some more abuse.

I got a fill yesterday. Another whole cc for a total of 7 cc's in my 10 cc band. Painless and easy as usual. Dr. Wizman gave me 2 cc's at first but I was hit by a wave of nausea and I could feel saliva bubbling at the back of my throat. One of the two cc's came out immediately and I felt fine.

We had a potluck dinner at the doctor's office last night - we do it a couple of times per year. Even though I couldn't eat because of the fill, I had a great time socializing with my fellow bariatric patients, Dr. Wizman, Nurse Gwen, and Dietitian Jodie. I cooked a delicious sausage and spaghetti squash dish (I made extra and I'd eaten it for dinner the night before and lunch that day) and there wasn't a drop left. Everyone loved it. I'll share the recipe here if anyone wants it.

The best part was being able to hang out and just have a nice social evening with Dr. Wizman. He's a very nice guy and had some interesting things to say. He talked about "soul weight" which is different from "goal weight". It's basically what he thinks of as a balance between where you are happy with the number on the scale and where you are happy in your life. I'll quote him from his Facebook page: "I have heard people talk of their "goal weight". I have a better idea, let's call it our "soul weight". This is the weight that you are happy within yourself, and you can be healthy as well. Think of it like your soulmate...... I have found that it is usually 10-20 pounds higher that the goal weight. That may be the cushion we need for happiness."

In other words, you might have a magic number on the scale as your goal weight, but it takes sitting home and doing nothing but dieting and exercising all the time to achieve or maintain it. With your "soul weight" the number might be a little higher, but you're out living, being happy, occasionally indulging in "bad" food or drink and enjoying being alive.

I thought about this concept when I read Amy's post about our new bodies maybe not being enough and Angie's blog where she wrote, "I realized that as soon as I stopped making weight loss my number one priority, my life got better - but my weight went up."

A little food for thought.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Evil Is...

Folks, you can stop looking...I have found the epitome of evil. It is a small, adorable, black woman named Rhonda who teaches a class called Body Pump at my gym. She looks very sweet and says encouraging things, but then she makes you do horrible, horrible things. My everything hurts. Arms, legs, abs, shoulders...I don't think I'm gonna make it. And I just took the class today. You may know that the DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness) are the worst two days after the workout. Good lord...this is gonna get worse? If you don't hear from me for a couple of days, it's because I can't get out of bed.

However...I will need to get out of bed tomorrow. I'm getting a fill. I really need it. I lost a bunch of weight, fast, on Atkins, but I added a few carbs back (I knew Atkins wasn't forever, just for a jumpstart) and I gained over 3 pounds back in a week. Eeeek! I know it's not "real" weight, just water and glycogen, but still. I can very definitely eat more than I should. I'm "munchy" all the time. I ate...brace entire 8 ounce hamburger (no bun) with grilled onions and a side of broccoli. It doesn't get much more solid protein and produce than that. It's not that I'm eating terribly...I'm just super hungry. I can keep losing if I stay very strict with the carbs, but that means no fruit, no whole grains, no beans ever. I did almost 4 weeks of Atkins induction level carbs...about 20 grams per day...and I can't do that forever. I am looking into South Beach, which seems much more reasonable long term, and once I am past the 2 days of liquids/mushies post fill, I am going to transition to that.

I started doing yoga once a week a couple of weeks ago and I can't stand it. It's boring. But I like what it's doing for my body. I hate it while it's's not "corpse pose" - that's called "laying down and taking a rest"...and I'm sorry, but I don't really want to feel my connection to the universe contained in my breath. But I really love the bendy/stretchy parts and how I feel afterwards. Am I the only freak that feels ridiculous picturing my muscles opening like a flower, ready to receive the love and light from the universe? Blah.

Also, I am wishing the beautiful (and soon to be more so) Stephanie Joy the best of luck with her plastic surgery tomorrow. I'll be thinking good thoughts!

Ah's bedtime. Tomorrow I have to be in to work verrrrry early so I can get out early for my fill appointment. Goodnight!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Good Things

I have been so swamped lately that I haven't been posting much, but it's all good things...

  • My best friend and I booked a 4 day, 3 night Caribbean cruise!!! We have been trying to do this for ages. Last year was our 20 year friend anniversary (we met the summer before my freshman year of high school) so we were going to do this last year but it didn't work out. So the theme of our vacation is: "Our friendship is 21 years old so we're taking it out and getting it drunk."
  • I tried on (and looked great in, if I do say so myself) a size 38DD bra from Victoria's Secret last night. Huge NSV! I didn't buy the darn thing because I wasn't willing to spend $55 on a bra that won't fit in a few months. I did, however, buy some size LARGE underwear. Do you see what's missing? The "X". The XL undies at VICTORIA'S SECRET were too BIG!
  • The scale said 197.6 yesterday. Woo!
  • I had a fantastic evening with Shrinking Mommy on Saturday. That woman is seriously smart and she gave me some fantastic insight on everything from friendship to fills to being satisfied in your life. I love her and she really made me think.
  • My unbelievably sweet husband got me an iPod Touch. I've been lusting after one for ages (especially after using Facetime to talk to my beautiful little sister who lives too far away). I love it!
Lots of good things! I must go to work now, but wanted to stop in and say hi.

Saturday, May 7, 2011


This is for Karin since she loves seeing the sweaty, red-faced, post workout "glow" pictures. :-)

Let me tell you...after taking a month-long break from working out due to tailbone pain (and thinking I should rest to make the tailbone pain better) it felt gooooood to get in there and sweat. I worked out last week, but just a 2 mile walk. Today I did 3.5 miles on the treadmill and another 1.5 miles on the elliptical. I feel great and my tailbone isn't hurting at all!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Guinea Pig

I've been experimenting on myself and have found an interesting trend.

One morning last week, I overslept and had to run out the door. (I had to be in to work early that day.) I grabbed a string cheese and called it breakfast. Needless to say, by 11:00, I was starving and ready to chew my arm off and I wasn't going to have a chance for a lunch break until 2:00.
I had an Atkins shake in the office fridge leftover from my last fill (I normally don't drink protein shakes except after fills) so I drank it. 2:00 came and went, and I didn't get hungry. I finally went to lunch at 3:00.

I usually work 11:00 AM to 8:00 PM, so I eat my breakfast around 10:00. Every day I am hungry by 1:00 but I don't get a lunch break until 4:00. It doesn't matter what I have for breakfast - eggs and bacon, leftovers, it doesn't matter what it is - I'm hungry by 1:00. I usually have a snack -
cheese and berries, a spoonful of chicken salad, or nuts, or before I started Atkins, a fiber bar. By 4:00, I'm hungry again.

I liked the way the Atkins shake satisfied me so much that I've been experimenting. I've been having a shake for my 1:00 snack, and it keeps me satisfied well past 4:00. They're 160 calories and the chocolate ones taste great. I know we're not supposed to do liquid calories, but the
calories are around the same as any other snack I would have and it keeps me satisfied just as long or longer.

Yesterday I had a protein-rich, very low carb breakfast (eggs and veggie sausage). I was hungry by 1:00, had my shake, and wasn't hungry for lunch until nearly 5:00 PM. Today I ate a more "carby" lower protein breakfast (a low-carb tortilla with 2 reduced fat cheese sticks). Same - hungry at 1:00, had a shake, lunch at 4:00).

This may or may not be something I stick with. I suppose I'll see what the scale says at the end of the week. I just thought it was interesting because I thought that the rule was always that solid food is more satisfying than liquids.

Any thoughts?

Monday, May 2, 2011

What Happened to the Spring Challenge?

Does anyone have any ideas what happened to the Suddenly Spring Challenge? It's been done for over 2 weeks and we haven't gotten the results yet, and Nikki isn't responding to emails or comments.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Arctic Zero Chocolate Peanut Butter

I take back the bad things I said about Arctic Zero. Yes, the strawberry is disgusting, but I just tried the chocolate peanut butter flavor and it was divine. Yum!

Sisterhood: Size 18 Petite Jeans

Does anyone need a couple of pairs of size 18 petite (short) length Old Navy jeans? One pair is dark denim and the other is light denim. I need to stop wearing them before they fall completely down in public.