I am so sick and tired of food. The whole act of planning a meal, grocery shopping, cooking or ordering takeout, cleaning up afterwards...it all sucks. I like going to restaurants still, but ordering something up and socializing is the part I like. Everything else...I wouldn't mind skipping the whole ordeal.
Last Friday night I went to my parents' house straight from work. I was under the impression that we'd be going to a restaurant. My mom, without mentioning anything to me, cooked salmon, roasted cauliflower, made a salad, and heated up some leftover pork loin. Well, I don't really like cooked salmon (only raw in sushi or smoked on a bagel), reheated meat gets kinda stuck and uncomfortable, and I can't just eat a pile of veggies for dinner. I choked down a tiny bit of pork for the protein and ate some cauliflower (which I LOVE) and picked out some beets and avocado from the salad, but my stomach wasn't happy and I felt bad about being miserable about the whole thing. Don't get me wrong, I so appreciate that my mom cooked, from the bottom of my heart, but I felt trapped because I didn't have a say in the matter and there wasn't a decent protein source for me. She offered to go get sushi with me and have a cup of tea while I ate but I just felt awkward about that and once I'd had a few bites of pork, not much else was going down anyway. So that was that. I waited a few hours and had a Skinny Cow ice cream
Then there was tonight. I was going to stop at the grocery store but my husband didn't want a sub from the deli and by the time I get home at 9:00 PM or later, I'm not cooking. We had no food in the house because I've been sick and haven't been grocery shopping so his cooking wasn't an option and the man would rather break his arm than grocery shop, so he asked if I'd stop at an Italian place instead. Fine. Whatever. I didn't really feel like shopping tonight anyway. I called to order, asked for a pasta kids meal for him (yeah, my husband eats the kids meal) and when she asked what else I wanted, I realized I hadn't even thought about what I wanted because I didn't want anything. I asked for, literally, "Some, I don't know, chicken and lettuce?" and she asked if I wanted a chicken caesar salad. Um, sure. Vinaigrette on the side instead of caesar dressing. It will get the job done.
I eat a frozen meal for lunch and often dinner on a lot of days. If it's not something I love, like sushi or Thai food or tacos, I just don't care. As long as it's some protein and veggies that I don't dislike, it's just...fuel. And most of the time I'd rather have veggie protein like beans or something.
Don't get me wrong, if it's something I love, I really enjoy food. I love crab. I love sushi (and I've been craving it like mad - can you tell? - I've only mentioned it about three times in this post). A really good salad? Heaven. But the day to day dealings with feeding myself and others is really freaking annoying.
In some ways, this was exactly what I was looking for with weight loss surgery, and in other ways? Honestly, it kinda sucks sometimes.