Hungry...I Think

Today's menu:

7:30 AM: Coffee. Then some leftovers from Pollo Tropical - about 1/3 of a small Tropichop with chicken, black beans, brown rice, onions, and salsa. Yeah. At 7:30 AM. My husband thinks I'm weird because I eat that sort of thing in the morning, but I LIKE leftovers for breakfast. (Side note: does anyone else find it bizarre to order a small fast food meal and have LEFTOVERS? I used to eat the LARGE Tropichop...PLUS a side of fried yucca.)

11:00 AM: 1/2 of a scooped out pumpernickel bagel with a shmear of light cream cheese. There are always bagels at work on Fridays and my stomach was grumbling away.

1:00 PM: They brought lunch in at work for a meeting. It was from my favorite Jamaican restaurant - jerk chicken, steamed cabbage, rice and peas, coco bread, plantains. My plate had about 1/4 of the food of pretty much everyone else, but I did have a little of everything. Yep, even the coco bread. It went down fine.

5:00 PM: My "real" lunch break time and I was hungry again. I went to the Fresh Market and got some shrimp sushi. I ate about half, but peeled off most of the rice, so pretty much spicy shrimp salad and cucumber. I also went for a short walk, 1/2 mile.

(I wanted to walk to the ice cream shop. But I didn't.)

It is now 7:25 PM and I'm hungry again. I don't even know if it is head hunger or real hunger but it would be ridiculous to even consider eating anything else right now. I know I've had PLENTY. I am at work for another 30 minutes and by the time I get home at 9:00-ish, I will want dinner.

I went from having practically zero appetite to feeling like I am starving. I don't get it. I've eaten protein. I've eaten real food. I've had plenty of water. I don't understand my band sometimes. I want the scale to move and if I keep eating 5 meals a day, it ain't gonna happen.

I'm feeling a little a lot frustrated. I considered taking one of my old diet pills today. They're probably expired and they're at home, so I didn't, but I don't like feeling like I WOULD.

I figured that writing this all down might be better than having a snack. So thanks for listening. I'm off to get another glass of water.

I'm Sipping, I'm Gulping, I'm Peeing, I'm Springing

I've been faithfully doing the Sip & Gulp Challenge.


I'm sipping, gulping...and it has been suggested that I may as well move my computer into the ladies' room at work because I spend more time there than at my desk. I had to put a customer on hold earlier so I could go pee. I've never been so hydrated in my life.

I even bought myself a LARGE and pretty glass to use at work so that I will drink more. See:


You'll notice that it is EMPTY. For the third time already today, thank you very much. And that was before lunchtime.

I've also joined the Spring Challenge...


To be honest, I am nervous about this. Every time I join one of these things, I don't lose much and get frustrated. BUT, maybe the third time is the charm? The challenge starts on the day before I return from my vacation to visit my (gorgeous, thin, foodie, vegetarian) sister in Boston. So as soon as I get back, I need to buckle down and get this done.

This new fill I have is weird. I can eat lots of chicken, lettuce, ground turkey, veggies, pineapple. And I had a small piece of bread from Panera with my soup yesterday. But I can't eat meatballs or pork chops at all. I'm losing again though, which is awesome, but slow.

I'll leave you with my ABC's, which has been going around Blogland and I've been meaning to get to this and finally did. Late as usual!

(A) Age: 35
(B) Bed Size: King
(C) Chore You Hate: Anything to do with the floors...vacuuming, mopping, sweeping. Ugh.
(D) Dogs? No thanks, I have parrots.
(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: COFFEE!!!
(F) Favorite Color: Green
(G) Gold or Silver? White gold or silver
(H) Height: 5'2"
(I) Instruments You Play: I used to play bass guitar. I wasn't very good though.
(J) Job Title: Technical Support Rep
(K) Kids: I don't have any.
(L) Live: Florida
(M) Mom's Name: Bonnie
(N) Nicknames: Steph, Stephie, Noodle
(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? Other than when I was born, just once when I had my lapband installed.
(P) Pet Peeve: People who drive too close in the rain. Scares me!
(Q) Quote from a Movie: "The first rule of Zombieland: Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons, were the fatties."
(R) Right or Left Handed? Right
(S) Siblings: Little sister.
(T) Time You Wake Up? It depends - some days I have school, some days I don't need to be at work until 11:00, some days I get up early to workout. Uusally any time between 7:00 AM and 10:00 AM (on weekends when I get REALLY lucky and can sleep that late).
(U) Underwear: Cotton.
(V) Vegetable You Dislike: Mushrooms, okra...I used to hate bell peppers but they're growing on me.
(W) What Makes You Run Late: Facebook
(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: knee, wrist, teeth, chest
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Shepherd's pie, sloppy joes, roasted cauliflower, roasted brussels sprouts
(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Parrots

Pork Chops = No Bueno

It's a bummer to spend an hour making a really delicious dinner only to get utterly and completely stuck 3 bites in.

209.2!

The lovely, lovely scale said 209.2 this morning.

Look out, Onederland...I'm coming for ya!

Food for Belly and Food for Thought

I'm at work, on my lunch break, and enjoying a thoroughly delicious frozen meal. If you haven't tried the Kashi Mayan Harvest Bake...holy cow, it is fabulous! Plantains, sweet potatoes, pumpkin seeds, kale, ancho chile sauce, whole grains - amazing! Highly recommend.

I was reading this article and wanted to share. It really resonated with me and thought maybe it would help someone else too.

From: (c) Linda Spangle, 2011. #0214, Weight Loss for Life, Inc.
Got a minute? That's long enough to do more than TRY

The Wt. Loss Minute By Linda Spangle, RN, MA
Author: 100 Days of Weight Loss
www.WeightLossJoy.com

Becky looked discouraged. As she sank into the chair in my office, she said, 'I don't know what to do. I'm trying so hard to lose weight, but I'm not getting anywhere. I can't figure out what's wrong. Based on how hard I'm trying I should be losing a lot more than I am.'

As I looked at my notes on our conversations over the past few weeks, I decided to take a guess at Becky's problem. 'Let's review a little,' I said. 'How have you been doing with your eating plan?'

Becky thought for a second. 'Some days are OK, but lots of times I get stressed or frustrated during the day, and by evening, I end up having wine or ice cream, or both.'

'So you're not following your plan very well?' I asked. 'I guess not,' she replied. 'This past week I probably was on my program only three days. But I'm trying so hard to lose weight!'

'How's your exercise plan going?'

'Not as consistent as I'd like. I only walked two days this week. By the end of the day, I'm usually so tired that I can't get myself to do it. But I'm trying so hard to lose weight!'

I glanced back at my notes. 'You also planned to work on your abdominal exercises, go to a yoga class, and take time each day for some meditation or reading. How are you doing with those goals?'

'None of them happened. I'm just so busy, and everything gets in the way. The days keep getting away from me, and I end up skipping all of my goals and going to bed.'

But then Becky exclaimed again, 'But, I'm trying so hard to lose weight!'

Are you seeing yourself in this story? I think we all have times when we WANT to lose weight, and we convince ourselves that we're TRYING. But like Becky, we don't follow through with any actions that would move us toward our goals.

It's like saying you want an 'A' in a class at school, but being too busy, too tired or too stressed to open the textbook or work on your research paper. No action equals no outcome.

Interested or committed?

Many of you are familiar with this next concept from Day 2 of the book '100 Days of Weight Loss' but I think it's one we all need to be reminded of now and then.

If you tend to start and stop every time you diet, you may want to look at the difference between being INTERESTED and being COMMITTED.

Interest slips away quickly

When you're just interested in dieting, you tend to stay with your plans only until something better comes along. For example, you may decide that you're interested in losing weight, but when someone brings doughnuts to work, you quickly go off your diet.

You also depend on seeing results to keep you on target. So, as long as the scale keeps moving, you stay motivated. But if you hit a plateau or you don't see much progress for a few weeks, you
may throw your program out the window.

And when you struggle, you blame everyone but yourself. You accuse your friends of ruining your diet because they eat potato chips in front of you.

In addition, you fall into 'if only' thinking, saying things like, 'If only I had more time, more money, a new job, or a supportive spouse, then I'd be able to stay on my plan.

Committed means NO MATTER WHAT!

When you're truly committed to achieving your goals, you have an entirely different outlook. Unlike being interested, where it doesn't take much to detract you from your goals, being committed means you stick with it, no matter what.

Rather than depending on seeing results to help you stay on track, you work on keeping your motivation strong, and trust that results will follow.

And when you struggle, you don't blame circumstances or other people. Instead, you push hard to stay on your diet in spite of not having enough money, time, or supportive friends and family members.

Here's a summary of the differences between interested and committed:

People who are interested in losing weight

* Stick with it until something better comes along
* Take action only if they "feel like" doing it
* Need to see results in order to stay motivated
* Blame people or circumstances for their struggles
* Easily give up when they face challenges

People who are committed to losing weight

* Stick with their plans no matter what
* Take action whether they feel like doing it or not
* Assume that if they stay motivated, results will follow
* Take responsibility for their own actions
* Keep going in spite of challenges and setbacks

Look carefully at your current efforts. If you say that you're 'trying so hard to lose weight' but you aren't making progress, you're probably taking the interested approach. If so, strive for being committed instead. Start adopting a 'no matter what' attitude, then convince yourself you can stay with your goals regardless of your daily challenges.

(c) Linda Spangle, 2011. #0214, Weight Loss for Life, Inc.
5023 W. 120th Ave. #183, Broomfield, CO 80020
Contact: Linda@WeightLossJoy.com
www.weightlossjoy.com
303-452-1545 or 1-800-298-3020

Stucky Stuck

Last month, I was at Disney World with some other bandsters. Heidi pulled out a packet of dried apricots and passed them around. I ate one, and it didn't feel so good going down for a few minutes. I thought, "Ok, now I know what 'stuck' feels like."

I had a fill last Monday and haven't had any problems. I'm getting full fast and staying full for a long time, which is great. I have eaten jerk chicken, salad, and even a bit of bread in the form of 1/2 of a well scooped out bagel on Friday. No problems.

Today I learned for real what "stuck" feels like. I stopped at Whole Foods for some lunch. I got 2 small meatballs, a spoonful of masala spiced acorn squash with feta cheese, and a couple of pieces of beets. I ate one meatball (and they are little - "bite sized" for non-bandsters and I ate it in 4 bites). No problem. I ate the squash. No problem. I took a bite of the other meatball. Uh oh...problem! I had quite a bit of pain in my chest. My mouth started to water. I was thinking, "Oh no, please don't let me barf." I just sat there breathing slowly for a couple of minutes and the pain and tightness finally subsided. I was definitely done eating at that point.

I guess I DO have a band.

I guess I have restriction.

I had doubts, but whoa...there it is.

Dinner was a small plate of salad (lettuce, chicken, avocado, pineapple, balsamic vinaigrette) and no problems. It was delicious and went down fine - I just ate slowly. I'm not sure what the issue was at lunch.

Oh yeah...and I'm officially down 70 pounds. 210.2 pounds this morning.

Yogurt Shots

Have you all seen these things?


They're little drinkable yogurt shots! I might be late to the party here, but where have these sweet little things been all of my (banded) life? They're a bit over 3 ounces of yogurty goodness.

DanActive Light: 35 calories, 0 grams fat, 1 gram fiber, 3 grams protein.

Perfect for a post-fill snack. Yum!

Fill Day

I got a BIG GIRL FILL today. Two whole cc’s. I really needed it too – I was up nearly 4 pounds since my last weigh-in on my doctor’s scale a couple of weeks ago. That was partly from vacation, but mostly because I have just been so HUNGRY and can and want to eat everything. The “chicken and lettuce, bitch” diet has simply NOT worked out for me lately.

Dr. Wizman had a med student with him and asked if I minded if she observed. I said I didn't mind at all. He started with his usual questions...what am I eating (everything!), can I eat bread/pasta/chicken (oh, yes please!), am I hungry more than every 4 hours (you have no idea). Then it was on to the usual procedure...lean back, shirt up, left arm overhead, lift legs, and in goes the needle. I told the med student that even though the needle is humongous, it doesn't hurt at all. He then sat me up with the needle sticking out of my belly a la Pulp Fiction and had me sip some water. What was really cool was that he was describing the whole thing to the med student...how he pulls the fluid out to check the level, how he goes by feel to see when the fluid level feels right, and how to find the port on the first stick every time.

Then came the fun part. He said he would show us what real restriction felt and looked like, if I was ok with it. I said sure, and he shot me up with 5 more cc's of fluid and told me to take a sip of water. Oh my goodness, I felt like I would drown when the water started gurgling back up into my throat. How odd! But admittedly, sort of cool too. I just know I never want to experience that for real when I am at home and trying to drink water. He pulled out a little but of fluid at a time until I could feel the water going down my throat. I finished my bottle of water and headed off to work.

I'm on liquids today so I can't tell if I'm in a good place with restriction or not, but everything from water to chai latte to a drinkable yogurt are going down slowly, but just fine. I could really feel it with the yogurt - I had to take my time, but it was no problem getting it all down.

I was 215.4 this morning. I hope this will be the fill that gets me to Onederland!

Zumb-ahhhhh

I finally got to do a Zumba class today and see what all the hype was about. I didn't sleep too well last night and woke up late - my eyes popped open at 10:30 and class started at 11:00 - and for a minute I considered rolling over and going back to sleep since I didn't think I'd ever make it on time, but I didn't do that. I hopped out of bed, drank a quick cup of coffee while I threw on my gym clothes and sneakers, brushed my teeth, tossed my hair into a ponytail, and was out the door by 10:48.

I was a little confused by some of the steps (wait - am I supposed to be stepping this way or that way? My hips are supposed to do huh?) but it was WAY fun and the instructor was fantastic and she really seemed to be enjoying herself.

I was a sweaty mess when class was over and my face was bright red (see below) but it was a blast and I'm already looking forward to doing it again next Sunday!

Maybe I Need Therapy or Something

I love my band. It's the best thing I have ever done for myself.

Everyone needs fills. That is part of the band. I love reading everyone's success stories how they lose tons of weight after their fills.

This is not easy to admit, but I feel like in some way I am failing every time I need a fill. I know I have mentioned this before and I know in my brain that fills are necessary and a large part of the process.

I can eat a relatively large amount of ANYTHING right now. I had a whole 1/3 pound burger for dinner. I skipped most of the bun, but I did have a few onion rings. I had a pretty big piece of chicken for lunch...and some pasta on the side. I'm satisfied and comfortable after my meals and everything, but I definitely need a fill. No doubt. Can't get full on "bandster" portions right now, even on solid protein, and as a result, am not going to meet my March 1 goal.

I KNOW I need a fill. I KNOW it's the right thing to do and I am most definitely too loose. But I FEEL like I shouldn't need a fill again already.

I have issues.